It's been ten months since James graduated with his MBA.
Ten months. Ten months? TEN MONTHS!!
It's been at the same time the shortest and longest ten months of my life. On the one hand, I can't believe how much time has passed. When we moved in with family, Matthew had just graduated from kindergarten, Ethan was a slightly chubby three year old, Justin still fit into 18 month clothes, and Natalie couldn't even sit up on her own yet. Now Matthew is a confident first grader who reads chapter books, Ethan is a tall, skinny beanpole of an almost-five-year-old, Justin turns three next week, and Natalie is nearly old enough to be in Nursery. Life has gone on even though I've wanted to, tried to, dig in my heels, scream STOP!, and command my life to halt until we have employment and can enjoy a "normal" life. My strategy when we first moved in was to just endure, after all, we would only be here maybe three months, and then we would be living, really living again. But three months turned into five, turned into eight, turned into ten, and we're still counting.
But the ten months have also been incredibly slow.
Apply for a job.
Network, network, network.
Pray, pray, pray.
Fast, fast, fast.
Attend the temple.
Wait for either a rejection or an interview.
Interview.
Network, network, network.
Pray, pray, pray.
Fast, fast, fast.
Attend the temple.
Wait for either a rejection or a flyback interview.
Flyback Interview.
Network, network, network.
Pray, pray, pray.
Fast, fast, fast.
Attend the temple.
Wait for a rejection or an offer.
No offers.
Start all over again.
Hopes high. Hopes dashed. Hopes rekindled. Hopes high. Hopes dashed. Hopes rekindles. Over, and over and over again.
Agonizing waits layered over birthdays, holidays, milestones. The interview process takes too long, and life moves too fast.
That's not to say that we haven't been blessed along the way, or that life has been horrible. Because it hasn't been horrible. But it also isn't what I envisioned when we started this journey. It's not what I would have chosen for us. We've been in a spiritual bootcamp these last two and a half years. We've struggled and we've been pushed to our limits and beyond, but we've also endured, we haven't given up, and we've become stronger. Bootcamp serves it's purpose, but as I'm sure any soldier will tell you, they pray for the day when it's over!
Life evolves whether we want it to or not. We have to keep up, be flexible, and live with faith. We must learn to not only accept our life, but truly embrace it. Life moves on whether we decide to be present or not. Be present! Be content with what you have, and live!
1 year ago
8 comments:
I'm sorry things have been soooo hard. One of the best rules I TRY (I'm not perfect) to leave by is, "be happy now". Never wait for something to happen to be happy. Never say, "When James gets a job I will be happy...When we move out of Dean and Cindy's I will be happy...When the kids get healthy I will be happy...When I can take a break then I will be happy... Basically when we do that we end up waiting forever to be happy. We end up missing the special moments with our family. Your kids have no idea that James doesn't have a job. All they know is Daddy is home to be with them and love them. I know it is hard but later in life you will look back and wish for the time you have with each other right now. Every day you are able to spend time with each other. Every day you are able to watch and learn from Dean and Cindy. I know when I lived with them that sometimes it was really hard. I wanted to be independent and have my own space. But I am a better mother and person because of the time I spent there. I would never change that. Be happy in the now. You will miss it later. I will pray for you and for your family. We wish the best for you. Love always.
If anyone can really understand our situation, it's probably you. I appreciate your comments, and I agree with them. That was the point of the post:
Living under these conditions isn't easy, but life moves on whether we're a part of it or not, so be a part of it! And not just be a part of it, but embrace it, and enjoy it for what it is.
Like I mentioned, we have received blessings through this whole ordeal, and one of the big ones is being able to spend so much time together. James and I have discussed many times how hard it's going to be to be apart when he does get a job. That's one thing I'm not looking forward to! And, I'm not naive enough to think that James getting a job will magically solve all of our problems, because I know that it won't :) What's life without problems, right? I just don't like being a burden on other people.
But thank you for your comments, and your prayers. We really, really appreciate them!
Our bishop a couple of weeks ago got up and gave a lesson on "why are you so stressed?" I thought, "because life is stressful!" But, it's like when the storm came, and the men woke the savior and asked how he can sleep "at a time like this", and he said, "Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith". Man, it is tough being not stressed or afraid in fearful times. And, where its hard to keep faithful throughout it all I know that faith precedes the miracle. Anyway, this is what my lesson is on today, and you've given me a lot to think about. Actually, I'm a bit upset because now I think I need to talk about something totally different than what I prepared all week, and I go to church in literally 7 mins. I better get moving. thanks for the thoughts.
No problem. I read an article in this month's ensign about being content with what you have, and it really got me thinking about a lot of things. How we tend to want whatever is bigger and better, never satisfied with what we have, always wanting more...to the point where you don't enjoy your life. I also read an article in the same ensign about a family who was in our same situation - graduated from grad school, and without a job for 18 months. She shared the lessons that she learned in the process, and it really struck a chord with me. And then, I read an article in the paper about a growing movement that challenges people to only have 100 posessions. They argue that our lives are so cluttered with stuff and we're so consumed with acquiring more stuff, that we don't really know what it's like to live. I can see a lot of truth in that. I think we can all benefit from being content with what we have, a learning to love our lives for what they are. I may not be able to change my situation right now, but I can change how I face it.
you put this so well! I totally relate on wanting life to stop until we can move on with our 'normal' life! I can totally relate, and I love your positive thoughts on living in the here and now. Thanks for the positive energy!
I love how you can put your feelings into words and help us all to see our own lives in the process. Life does go on and it will get better with time. Enjoy the time you have. We love you all and ache with you. We also rejoice with you in the little pleasures of life. Know that the whole family is praying for and with you, and our hearts are drawn out in love to you.
I pop in on your blog frequently from Rachel's blog. We were in a similar situation as my husband struggled to find work for 8 months. I wish I would have learned as early as you have to just breathe and accept what is. If I had exhaled, I'd have enjoyed that time as a family much more. You're a smart lady!
i just need to tell you what an amazing person you are and to keep hanging on!
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